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Islam: Family or LGBT?

Nowadays, there is confusion and conflict in Muslims’ minds about LGBT. On the one hand, there is a deep-rooted historical tradition of hatred against LGBT; on the other hand, there is a worldwide global pressure to accept LGBT. Religious scholars are either hardline traditionalists or hesitating and hesitated hesitants. It is either open and overt hatred of LGBT or closed and covert intolerance of LGBT, and no one from the Muslim world could provide a cogent and clear stance on this issue substantiated with logic, evidence, and old plain common sense.

So, here is my personal and individual stance on LGBT. Similar to my previous writings, I chose dichotomy and dual relationship in order to avoid unnecessary complexity and achieve necessary simplicity. In scientific investigations, there are only two variables that are changed: independent variable and dependent variable. All other variables are kept constant. That is why here I expound on the relationship of family and LGBT.

A family is a group consisting minimum of three persons: female, male, and child. Family is a self-subsistent, self-sufficient, and self-sustainable unit in biological, social, and cultural senses. Family establishes bonds and connections between people within families and across families by psychological and physiological interactions.

Family resembles the nuclear model of an atom, where female and male are like proton and neutron in the nucleus of an atom[i], and children are like electrons around the nucleus.[ii] The presence of electrons allows for connection between atoms and the formation of molecules.[iii] Similar to nuclear and electromagnetic forces between protons, neutrons, and electrons, there are different types of forces of attraction and repulsion between female, male, and children in the family. The balance of attractive and repulsive forces produces a stable atom and stable family.

On the contrary, LGBT is not self-subsistent, not self-sufficient, and not self-sustainable social structure from the biological, social, and cultural perspectives. The nucleus cannot consist of protons-only or neutrons-only. The protons-only nucleus is unstable, and the neutrons-only nucleus is unstable. Similarly, male-only families or female-only families usually are unstable, with exceptions proving the rule.

Family is a process, and children are the product. The process is always messy, imperfect, difficult, painful, iterative, boring, and uncomfortable. The product seems to be easy, painless, and perfect. The process is trial and error, tinkering, and continuous optimization. Expecting a flawless process is expecting impossible. A flawless product requires a flawed process. Perfect and clean fruit requires a tree that has roots in the dirt and manure.

Family is a process, and children are the product. A male-only family cannot produce children. A female-only family cannot produce children. This is the main deficit and deficiency of the LGBT-family model.

Let us do a thought experiment about four groups: Group A, Group B, Group C, and Group D. Group A consists of one hundred females; Group B consists of one hundred males; Group C consists of fifty females and fifty males; Group D consists of fifty females and fifty males. The difference between Group C and Group D is that in Group C, sexual relationships are free and without responsibilities and restrictions, and in Group D, relationships between females and males are regulated and restricted to the nuclear-family type.[iv]

Next, let us place these four groups on isolated islands or in isolated villages for the duration of one hundred years. What is going to be the population of each group after one hundred years? Group A and Group B are going to become extinct. Group C may become extinct because of the absence of reproduction due to male-male and female-female relationships, or it may become extinct due to interpersonal conflicts. The problem of Group C might be the fights between the males for the females because males have the inclination, propensity, and capacity for violence. This violence might reduce the population of Group C.

Out of four groups, Group D is going to have the largest population after one hundred years because the nuclear family structure is the most stable and stabilizing societal structure. The fights between males for females are going to be the least and lowest in Group D because relationships are regulated. The population of Group D is going to be the highest because the nuclear family is the most suitable for giving birth and raising children.

Why are children important? Children are important because new ideas, inventions, reforms, revolutions, improvements, developments, progress, etc., are done by new people, i.e., children. Elders do not produce new ideas and inventions. Children produce new ideas and inventions.

New ideas and inventions are called civilization and culture. Civilization and culture are the accumulation of new ideas and inventions. Without children, without an influx of new people, new ideas are not produced, and civilization and culture stagnate and decay. Civilization and culture can be damaged by wars and pandemics because they decrease the population. The mindsets and methods of Groups A, B, C reduce population either intentionally or unintentionally, similar to wars and pandemics. Therefore, Groups A, B, C cannot produce and develop civilization and culture. Philosophies of Groups A, B, C are parasitic in their nature because they need a continuous influx of new people from Group D. Groups A, B, C are not self- subsistent, self-sufficient, and self-sustainable in the long-term perspective.

 People may have regulated, responsible, respectful, and restricted relationships based on logic and justice – it is called love. People may have unregulated, irresponsible, disrespectful, and unrestricted relationships based on sentiments and caprice – it is called lust. I claim that Groups A, B, C follow lust, and Group D follows love. Lust is short-term and myopic, and love is long-term and farsighted. Lust is egotistic, and love is altruistic. Lust is about taking, and love is about giving.

Groups A, B, C came to prominence when Group D started to betray their own principles.

The main principle of Group D is that the relationship between female and male is complementary, not contradictory. Complementary relationship, not a contradictory relationship.

The complementariness of females and males is biological, sociological, and cultural fact and reality. The examples of Group A and B show that the contradictory relationship of females and males leads to the extinction of humanity and the decay of civilization. All perks and positives of civilization like medicine, hygiene, clean water, culture, art, science, technology, an abundance of food, physical infrastructure, etc., are the cumulative product of many generations. The decrease of population in Groups A, B, C is going to lead to the decay and decline of civilization because civilization is the result of the concentration and accumulation of new ideas within and across generations. Low population density is not conducive to the development of civilization, and high population density is possible through the complementary relationship of females and males.

Verse 7:24 mentions that females and males are enemies to each other. This enmity is not an obstacle, but it is an opportunity to showcase the conflict resolution skills of individuals.

Enmity is easy, pleasurable, and ego-boosting, and conflict resolution is hard, painful, and ego-busting. The differences in psychology and physiology of females and males are going to lead to a string of misunderstandings resulting in enmity – it is given. However, females and males can use their logic and willpower to transform enmity into cooperation. Logic is mentioned in verse 7:26, and willpower is mentioned in verse 7:29.[v]

Maslow’s pyramid lists six needs: (1) physiological needs, (2) safety, (3) belongingness, (4) esteem, (5) self-actualization, (6) transcendence.[vi] In verses 7:82, 11:78, 11:80, 15:70, 15:72, 26:167, 27:56, 29:29, 29:33, 54:37, the opponents of prophet Lot violated, limited, and denied the basic physiological needs (like freedom, safety, food, warmth, water, rest) of Lot and his followers due to their own psychological needs of esteem and belongingness. Thus, the opponents of Lot put their psychological needs above the physiological needs of other people, and they did injustice and caprice; they violated the principles of justice and freedom. The opponents of Lot denied him the freedom of speech, and they wanted to expel or execute him. In my opinion, this was the reason for their doom and damnation, not the things they did in the bedrooms of their houses. The opponents of Lot saw themselves above the law, and they thought they were exempt from the law, and they declared their whims to be the law; they attacked the basic rights and needs like freedom of speech and right to safety, food, water, warmth, and rest.

The presence and prominence of LGBT nowadays is not the cause of family degradation. LGBT is the symptom of family degradation. The symptom is not a cause. The leaf is not root. Fighting symptoms is not understanding the causes. For example, obesity is a symptom, and eating habit is the cause. It is inefficient and ineffective to treat obesity by drugs and fads, or worse, to be hostile to obese people. Efficiency and effectiveness are about changing the cause, i.e., eating habits.

 Similarly, it is inefficient and ineffective to “treat” LGBT by using laws, rules, restrictions, peer pressure, oppression, violence, ostracism, shaming, blaming, etc., or worse, by being hostile to LGBT people. Efficiency and effectiveness are about changing the cause, i.e., improving the family model or inventing a new family model and structure. [Note: “treat” – LGBT people are not mentally ill, and LGBT is not a psychological disease.]

Those who couldn’t find solace in the family turned to LGBT because the family model and structure made in agrarian society is not valid, not viable, and not valuable in the informational society. The vector of development of humanity started at the pre-agrarian society of hunter-gatherers and nomadic tribes, went on to agrarian city-states and agrarian empires of ancient times, continued to industrial states of Industrial Revolution, then transformed to federations and unions of informational society in the 20th century, and now it is transitioning to global post-informational society.

The social structures that we think are unchangeable and eternal were formed and framed mostly and mainly in agrarian society – think about religions, family models, ancient philosophies, universities, etc. The industrial society brought disruption and distortion to social institutes of the agrarian age. The bunch of European philosophies (nihilism, atheism, agnosticism, humanism, etc.) became “the religions” of the Industrial Age. Family structure and model also were affected greatly by Industrial Revolution.

Next, the advent of instant means of mass communication like telegraph, telephone, radio, television, and Internet brought more dramatic and drastic changes than Industrial Revolution.

Now, we live in an information society that is transitioning to a post-informational society.

The family model of agrarian society is not working in industrial and informational societies – it is obvious and plain. The family model of agrarian society assumes male to be the dominant warrior, farmer, and breadwinner, and female is assumed to be dependent housekeeper, child-bearer, and child-rearer. The main activity of agrarian societies was warfare for land and water, and the fire of warfare demanded firewood of new children. That is why child-bearing and child-rearing were the main activities of females, and the main activity of males was the killing of these children.

Industrial Revolution provided humanity with modern and mass means of mutual and reciprocal killing, and two World Wars proved the effectiveness of these weapons of mass destruction. Industrial Revolution and two World Wars took females away from families and put them in factories, and after this, females no longer needed males as warriors and breadwinners. Females themselves became warriors and breadwinners while children were left to street culture or state kindergartens and schools.

Informational revolution showed us that both females and males no longer need physical strength and power for war and work. Work is done by robotized and automated machines, and war is waged by drones and weaponized systems. Females, males, and children of the informational society are connected to Matrix, i.e., a virtual system of information exchange (aka Internet). Whereas before children were educated by Mother, Father, Church, State, and Street, now, children are educated mostly and mainly by Matrix (Internet).

Informational Revolution brought many changes and challenges to the social institution of the family. For example, husbands can see and look at millions of females who are prettier, younger, and more beautiful than their wives (24:30), and wives can observe and listen to millions of males who are richer and more successful than their husbands (24:31). The pressure of social media and inability coupled with the impossibility to comply with and reach the pseudo-standards that social media dictates and imposes on families places individuals in the psychological pressure cooker and emotional roller coaster. The absence of information before the informational age was a problem, but the abundance of information now may be a bigger problem because a large amount of data is toxic, and it leads to paralysis by analysis, inactivity, and passivity.

That is why the “agrarian-model” family does not answer the questions and does not rise up to the challenges of informational society. As a result, people turn to and move into LGBT. This is how I see and understand it.

What is family? Family is a social structure for mutual and reciprocal benefit, protection, and development. Family is a biological, social, and cultural process to produce products named new human beings (aka children). New human beings are building blocks of civilization. Family is a social structure where rules, rights, responsibilities of children, female, and male are outlined and delineated. A family is a team where power, information, and resources are shared fairly and distributed justly. A family is a place of compromise, not conflict, consensus, not critique.

The main culprit of the degradation of the family was males and their inability to understand that new circumstances need new models. The lack of desire and afraidness to share the power with females leads males to irresponsible and selfish behavior. The thought that male was the boss and leader of the family, but lack and absence of leading actions lead males to hypocrisy and double-faced-ness when they wanted the perks and upsides of leadership, but they avoided risks and downsides of leadership. A leader is not a person who assumes leadership by talking, but the leader is the person who assures being the leader by acting. A leader is the one who sacrifices for and invests in followers. A leader is not the one who exploits and expends the followers.

Males must stop assuming, and they must start assuring. Males must stop talking like leaders, and they must start acting like leaders. Men have to relearn to be dependable, responsible, caring, compassionate, and brave human beings. This is the first condition of the new family model.

Adultery (4:15, 4:16, 24:2, 24:3), gambling (2:219, 5:90, 5:91), alcohol and narcotics (2:219, 5:90, 5:91, 16:67) are destroyers of the family because males and females indulging in them cannot be dependable, responsible, caring, compassionate, and brave human beings. Such females and males are going to violate the rights of their children, and they are going to abuse children. Children are unable to protect their rights by themselves, and that is why Quranic prohibitions aim to protect the rights of children. Children are the most vulnerable, abused, unprotected, unvoiced, unrepresented, and neglected segment of society, and Quranic justice is their refuge and salvation. For more details, refer to “Islam: Justice or Caprice?”[vii]

One of the greatest and gravest sins and errors of modernity is to show females as objects and to use the female body as a tool of manipulation and deception.[viii] However, a female is not meat, not a sex toy, not lust-slave, not a body part, but she is a human, and that is why clothing style that emphasizes her humanity is ordered by Quran (24:31). Clothing styles that emphasize sexuality and promote lust are harbingers of violence and exploitation. Again, the rights of children are protected by such orders (24:31) because sincerity and veracity between females and males are impossible when using sexually exploitative clothing styles in public.[ix] Divorce, killings on the grounds of jealousy, fights, screams, scandals are not conducive to a healthy and happy childhood. So, emphasize humanity, not sexuality.

With all these things written, people may assume that I am the enemy of LGBT. I assure them I am not. As long as anyone accepts, adheres to, and follows the principles of Justice, Freedom, Compassion, and Knowledge, I do not make a problem about their color, language, race, ethnicity, gender, socioeconomic status, political orientation, and cultural background, and I do not care what they do in the privacy of their bedrooms and homes. I am not going to spy on anyone, and I am not going to analyze and research their dirty undergarments because I have more important and pleasing things to do. God created all of us differently, and only God can, should, and will judge us. I am not police, judge, prosecutor, jailer, punisher, and executioner, nor do I aspire to be the one. I do not want to live in a “prison-state” and “police-state” when one part of society spies on, hunts down, and jails other parts of society.

I am not criticizing people, but I am criticizing philosophy. I am analyzing ideas, not individuals. Philosophy is not the person. The idea is not individual.

I chose, and I am choosing family, not LGBT.

2:111 … Say: “Produce your proof if you are truthful!” [x]

25:30. And the Messenger says: “My Lord! Surely my people have made this Qur’an something worthy of no attention.” [xi]

-İman isteyen münafık


[i] Wikipedia, “Atomic Nucleus,” in Wikipedia, April 21, 2021, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Atomic_nucleus&oldid=1019105614.

[ii] Wikipedia, “Atom,” in Wikipedia, May 6, 2021, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Atom&oldid=1021695004. 

[iii] Wikipedia, “Molecule,” in Wikipedia, May 1, 2021, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Molecule&oldid=1020794485.

 [iv] Wikipedia, “Nuclear Family,” in Wikipedia, May 4, 2021, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Nuclear_family&oldid=1021449378.

[v] Ali Ünal, The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English, n.d., www.mquran.org www.theholybook.org.

[vi] Wikipedia, “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs,” in Wikipedia, April 29, 2021,

https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs&oldid=10204972 50.

[vii] İman isteyen münafık, “Islam: Justice or Caprice?,” March 23, 2021,


[viii] Wikipedia, “Objectification,” in Wikipedia, April 24, 2021,


[ix] Said Bediuzzaman Nursi, The Words: On the Nature and Purposes of Man, Life, and All

Things, trans. Şükran Vahide, vol. 1, Risale-i Nur Collection, 2008, http://www.sozler.com.tr.

[x] Ünal, The Qur’an with Annotated Interpretation in Modern English.

[xi] Ünal.


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